Six months ago around this time in the morning I woke up in the neurosurgery center at Presbyterian Hospital in Charlotte, NC.  The day before, surgeons had removed a lemon sized, right frontal lobe malignant brain tumor from my head.  Its technical name was a Glioblastoma Multforme.  The Greek Translation to that is something like "You are so totally screwed".

 While the surgery went well, the prognosis from the doctors was not that positive.  In fact, according to them, I should be dead now.  The survival rate for this type of disease is a little less than 1% in the first year, or for the math challenged, pretty close to zero.  And while I may succumb to this later on, let's just say that the first round goes to me and the tumor is a little perplexed.

My docs over the last few months have been amazed and delighted at my progress.  They greet me with joy and I know down inside are wondering why I'm not dead.  I've been thinking about that and wanted to share with my readers what I think has made the difference.  I suspect that my success is mildly irrritating only because it doesn't match with their statistics.  Anyway, here are my top reasons for why I think I'm above ground today and not below:

1. A Bigger Future:  Everything in my life that's important to me depends on my being alive.  The books I want to read and write.  The dogs I want to save.  The blogs and rants on a daily basis.  My friends, family, and profession all depend on my showing up dressed to play and ready to win each day no matter how I feel or look. I'm also only halfway through all 7 years of "24" and not even close to watching all the Elvis Movies.

2. Winning: Winning is my euphemism for getting what I want.  It's not about humiliating anyone else or making them feel like losers, it's simply just getting what I go after and going after what I really want.  I like winning.  It takes my confidence up and sets the stage for the next victory.  Life goes pretty well when you build on a platform of progress consistently.

3. Transformation:  Circumstances don't shape us so much as they reveal us.  What the brain cancer has done is to reveal that I can be a pretty determined hombre' when pushed into that corner.  That's good for me to know as I look out on projects I am involved with and people who depend on me.  The transformation that has occurred is that I've become more of what I've wanted to be and less of what I haven't.

4. The Possibility of Victory:  One of the underlying melody lines in my life has been that I will always try to find a way to win by turning what looks like a defeat into a victory.  The odds don't matter to me as much as my attitude toward the odds.  Since by all rights,  given my WVA background, I should be on my 4th wife, my 3rd repossesed mobile home, and my 2nd illegitimate child.  Instead, my life has been a virtual amusement park of experience.  Sure, there have been some setbacks and disappointments, but by and large, I've gotten to sleep with the light on most of my life with a can of Monster Spray on my nightstand..

5. Verdicts versus Opinions:  As I reflect back on these six months, it was important that I didn't interpret the doc's opinions as final verdicts as regards the cancer.  Yes, they may be right in the long run but in the short run, their opinion is better than their verdict.  No one, not even the docs, has enough clarity or insight to tell you when you are coming or going from the planet with absolute certainty.  Acknowledge what they say but don't necessarily indulge it.

My conclusions after six months of being poked, prodded, scanned, and stuck is that life is struggle and its goal is domination.  Their are higher goals and deeper meanings but the reality of life is a sort of personal war.  In the end, there is something pure about a small war. Only the bravest get to play and only the determined get to stay.  Each day for me is a game of who can be standing at the end of the day and in a strange sort of way, all of my life has prepared me for this part of my life.  Even if I don't inspire other people, I can inspire me each day.

Passion and purpose can defeat even chemo and cancer.  The biggest muscle in the body is the heart and the trick in life is to make it as big and powerful as you can.

My image some mornings is of the Gods who run the Universe looking down on me and musing: "You know, we should really lay off this guy and maybe when he gets better he'll forget we caused him the misery and leave us alone."

Wrong.  The Gods are who I'm going after first.